My magnificent moustache | Norton of Morton

It will come as no surprise given the moustachioed furnishings of your favourite periodical, but your humble protagonist (that’s me) is rather a fan of face foliage. Sadly, unlike Burt Reynolds or Sean Connery, I’m not as blessed in the cultivation of said sub-nasal love wand. I did grow one for Movember a couple of years ago but my facial fuzz is a heady mix of blonde, grey and brown. I suppose dying it is a possible way around the colour conundrum but I am tempted to wait for my head of hair to play catch up as I age, like a good bottle of scotch.
However, as Movember loomed ever closer like a moustache-shaped iceberg, I started to have pangs for my very own top lip topiary. Then one night as I was trawling through Pinterest, I spied this magnificent moustache tie clip. Made by the fine fellows over at Tsaiclip, it is forged in solid brass and coated in chrome steel. 

My magnificent moustache

Marvelling at the pictorials and manly description, I said to myself “Norton, old boy, you simply must have it.” So after nodding in agreement, I handed over £29.95 via the electronic cash register under the agreement that they would send their best pigeon to deliver my new favourite accessory. Miraculously the pigeon even metamorphosed into a Royal Mail postie – incredible stuff.

Naturally, I am pleased as punch with my latest gentleman’s accoutrement but it still doesn’t beat the real thing.

Before the tie clip got trampled over by the rogue tie

It must be said, moustaches are quite extraordinary – not only do they shelter you from the cold conditions and look pretty marvellous to boot, they also provide employment in circus troupes for ladies of a hairy disposition (providing they have the accompanying beard).

It is a sad indictment of modern life that moustaches appear to be vilified by today’s society, at least the majority of people that I encounter. 

So men of Britain, I turn to you in this time of need and urge you to bring back the moustache. To observe a time when this right of manhood is once again held up in reverence by Lords and Ladies across the land.

As Sir Winston Churchill once said (at least I think it was him), “We shall grow our moustaches with pride and confidence and in turn our movement will grow in strength. We shall defend our hairy society of chaps whatever the cost may be. We will grow moustaches on the beaches, we will grow them on the land, we shall grow them in the fields and in the streets and we shall NEVER surrender!”

G.M. Norton
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’