The fellowship of the moustache | Norton of Morton

Today the humble moustache has all but vanished from the faces of young men, cast into the dark abyss of the past with a disapproving glare for good measure.

Instead of sporting magnificent upper lip appendages, our mixed-up society has sought fit to proudly wear over-sized babygrows and dip themselves in creosote instead.

Thankfully, there is still a small band of supporters intent on reawakening the moustache by proudly displaying graspable appendages and challenging the clean-shaven status quo of modernity.

Not one to hold back, I have decided to join this most chivalrous of movements and become a fully-fledged member of the Fur Face Fellowship. After all, 2013 is the Year of the Gentleman and every self-respecting gentleman should at one stage or another sport a sprouting of hair above their top lip.

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to my infant moustache.

Suits you sir?

I have spent the last four weeks carefully cultivating it in the hope of eventually achieving the greatest of moustache styles – yes, that’s right, the handlebar.

Having conducted in-depth research (namely Google), I have discovered it generally takes at least twelve weeks to achieve handlebar status. By my calculations, I am eight weeks away.

Trying to perfect the thousand yard stare

As I alluded to in an earlier moustache-related posting, sadly my facial hair is naturally a heady mix of blonde, white-blonde, brown and a few specks of grey. As certain parts are not very visible, I have succumbed to dying it to solve my colouring conundrum.

As a man unaccustomed to dye and cautious to the possible perils of said product, I must say from my experience so far that it’s all very simple. The facial hair dye I used, Just for Men, has turned my top lip topiary from dull to dark. Once it’s applied, you leave it on for five minutes before washing off – and there you have it. 

If you too have dreamed of displaying face foliage but have been put off by the colour card fate has cruelly dealt you, I would heartily recommend ‘Just for Men’.  I acquired mine from Messrs Boots for the paltry sum of £7.69. To achieve the colour I have craved, I consider this to be money well spent.

The colour cure

If you are interested in charting the progress of my moustache growing endeavours, I intend to provide regular updates on the Twittering Device – if you’re not already a loyal follower, you can find me @nortonofmorton. Wish me luck.

G.M. Norton
Protagonist of ‘Norton of Morton’